Worst thing eveur

24 Mei 2017


The day that i want to burried my self.

23 Mei 2017
23:31 PM

As usual, Since i had an insomniac, I have to made my eyes tired to have a nice sleep. I open my twitter, scrolling down timeline, retweeting some good tweets. Until i see that there's an announcement from @pknstan.id which is that's the announcement for the second stage of the admission. I open the link, and the website. My heart beats like crazy. I started to scrolling down the names, scroll, scroll, and scroll, and i didn't find my name in it. I failed twice. At the time, I feel like i am a failure. I was not ready to tell my parents that i've failed for this second time. I was so sad, I feel like my world was falling down. I feel like a human in dead body.  I cried a lot that night, I share my sadness to my one and only, Marissa Aldarina. (If you read this, I wanna thank you for always be there for me. You are all ears for me☹️) She convince me that God has a better plan for me. Actually, i know that, but you know, I always failed to convince myself that this is all God's plan. I slept at 3 AM, in tears.


24 Mei 2017
06:30 AM


Morning has broken. I woke up, in a headache. My mom asked me if i pass or not, and what i can do just crying out loud. My dad didn't saying anything in the first place, But all i know he is disappointed. He was going to have a jog in the morning, He had an attack after know that i didn't pass. He came back home and He was so angry with me, He scolded me. And what i can do, just crying. And crying. I was asking for apology but i can't bear my tears.

Long story short, He started to calm down. We praying at that time, thanking God for everything. Even in the hard situation, we always thanking God for His kindness. We pray in tears. We asking for God's mercy.

After we prayed, my dad asking me to accompany him in his room. We slept together and he hugs me   for few times. I slept with tears for the second time.

19:51 PM

This is real time diary. I write this right now. No more tears. This day is the worst day ever exist in my life after 19th years i live in this cruel world. I write this to remind me in the future that i ever feel this worst pain, and i choose to get up! Some good times in the future i will prove that i can. I can fix my future, get a great job, makes my parents proud, and having a great life. I will come back. A S A P